DO YOU WANT TO SOUND LIKE A NATIVE SPEAKER?

Self-proclaimed language teachers on the internet give students advice on how to speak like a "native", in both English and Spanish. Let me give you a few examples in Spanish.

We are told:

Don´t say: "Ayer bailamos", say instead: "Ayer bailemos" like natives.

Don´t say: "Se me ha roto el fémur", say instead: "Me se ha roto el fémur" like natives.

Don´t say: "Somos europeos", say instead: "Semos europeos".

Don´t say: "Detrás de mí", say instead: "Detrás mío".

Don´t say: "Señora López", say "Señá López."

Don´t say: "¿Sabe usted?, say "¿Sausté?"

Don´t say: "No creo que haya nadie", say "No creo que ahiga naide.".

Don´t say: " Para nada", say "paná". 

And they assure the student that by speaking like that they will pass off as native speakers.