REAL CONVERSATIONS? BAH, HUMBUG!

   I have become aware that nearly every language-teaching application on the market promises that, by becoming a member and paying dues, you will enjoy “real conversations.” It's a lovely phrase—marketable, confident—but it leaves me wondering: what exactly is a real conversation?
    Every Tuesday morning, I meet three men at the Círculo de Bellas Artes in Madrid, at the coffee shop. We sit, drink our coffee, and converse. Real conversations?
    Two of them mostly read the newspapers. They have no hobbies, speak no foreign languages, and contribute little beyond a few grunted remarks. The third, a retired maths teacher and college graduate, adds some spark, bringing an anecdote, a curious fact, or a bit of perspective. Is this what the app developers mean by “real conversation”?
    I doubt it.
    The truth is, real conversations—those in which ideas are exchanged, facts are examined, opinions shared, even disagreed with—have all but vanished under the weight of what is now called “new technology.” That wonderful Spanish custom, the sobremesa—the long, meandering, after-meal chats where time seems to suspend itself—has all but faded. We would say, “Hemos estado de sobremesa dos horas.” Two hours of relaxed discussion: friends exchanging thoughts, debating politics, gossiping, sharing memories, and laughing. That, to my mind, is a real conversation.
    Can a language-learning application, even one driven by artificial intelligence, replicate that? Offer it in a foreign language? Provide the unpredictability, the spontaneity, the human texture of sobremesa?
    I remain unconvinced.
    “Real conversations”? Bah, humbug!